SCOOTERTECHNO.COM

Goodbye and thanks for all the fish.

I've had to delete my account because basically I'm going through the worst crisis of my life right now. I've never felt closer to suicide than I do now. I'll probably check myself back into a psychiatric hospital in the short term and hope things get a little better.

Anyways it's been fun. Take care Scooter fans/

Oh my...

What's happened?

If you are sane enough to recognize your problem, then you are sane enough to be emotionally intelligent about it and solve it.

Jay's absolutely right.

You're welcome to contact me too if you fancy a chat.

And I can genuinely relate to how you feel. Suicide used to feel like the only way out for what I thought to be something that would forever hold me back. Not sure if I my situation is comparable to your own; but I can say confidently that it was the realization and understanding that there was lots of help, love and plenty of options open to me that instantly made my life just a little bit more bearable. The feeling of isolation/helplessness was quickly vanquished. Additionally, I can't stress the importance of seeking professional help. And I sincerely hope your family and friends are aware of how you feel at this time too, as you'll desperately need them and I'm positive they'll unhesitatingly support you lovingly in your time of need. Taking your own life is not the solution. As Jay correctly pointed out, it'll only hurt deeply the people that love you. Overcoming these terrible feelings will feel like a massive accomplishment-- and so it should. I really hope you don't do anything silly.

Stay on the forum so we can talk to you and keep in touch.

x

Thanks to everyone for their kind words of support.

I'm pretty much certain I won't be taking any rash steps in the near future at least. This is for two reasons mainly. Firstly I'm too much of a coward. Secondly and most importantly I know it would destroy my family. I couldnt' stand the look on my parents' faces when I went to hospital the first time earlier this year. But yeah it doesn't stop me from having these very negative thoughts. The origin of my depression is very personal indeed so I won't go into it, but It's had a lot of run on effects such as my university study falling flat on its face, and generally becoming a social recluse (I haven't seen by best friend of about 15 years for over 2 months). It's sort of a vicous cycle because these things serve to reinforce my very negative self image.

Anyways hopefully things will get better because I desperately want them to.

*We all do.

Dunno if it's any consolation, but my education has also taken the back seat as of late. My mind was on one particular thing 24/7, which directly compromised my concentration for college work and the effort to look for work. I spoke to my College counsellor a few times, and she was just so sweet and wonderful. I'm hoping that I'm given the opportunity to talk to her again when I go back next year. As I dropped out a few months ago, it's been a pain trying to get back in. I didn't inform my tutors about what was bothering me-- which actually kinda worries me as I think they now believe I don't have what it takes. And I admittedly did try to catch up with all the work that I missed, but I was pressed for time and, sadly, I utterly succumbed to the pressure.

On the bright side, I know there's room for me next year. Now that I'm in therapy and am taking steps to feel more comfortable with myself, I am starting to feel rather happy and cheerful. Although my journey is just beginning, I have good feelings about it all. Optimism is something I never thought I'd actually feel about it. For so many years I'd just felt utterly depressed. Honestly, the transformation is pretty intense. I recommend you pursue the same path to mitigate these negative thoughts that you're experiencing. And again, feel free to chat to me via PM if you wanna talk about anything.

And my apologies if this sounds lame. I'm just genuinely trying to be helpful.

I actually dropped out of college, so I can study marketing 14 hours a day from the best of the best in marketing. And now, 2 months later, I am better in marketing than a graduate is.